How to balance the power suit with parenting – by Linda Palacios

Women often struggle with the demands of family when deciding to run for political office.  Many of these conflicts are similar for women in the workplace.  Linda Palacios offers insights and good suggestions for dealing with the balance of life.


After the boss makes demands and the kids make a mess, working moms sure have a lot on their plates. Women are working harder than ever to maintain job security while raising the next generation, so it’s time they get little help.

Fret no more because a local life coach has answered that call. Follow her simple seven-step method, and you’ll be able to breathe a little easier as you achieve a better balance of career, kids – and get this – “you time.”

They bring home the paychecks and cook up the dinner all while they’re raising their kids. They are working moms. And somewhere along the way, most (if not all) of them have stress and anxiety creep up on them or find themselves dissatisfied with how the cards are playing out in their lives. “We’re trying to be too much. We want to be a great employee, and we’re all trying to save our jobs. And we want to be a great wife and a great mother,” Life Coach Kerry Kane Miller says.

So for all of you who take on the world, feel the stress and experience dissatisfaction, take a sigh of relief and BREATHE. Breathing represents life, and people can use it to calm down or maintain a focus, Kane Miller says, so her BREATHE acronym does the same. It helps working moms take control of their lives and find a healthy, happy and focused balance of career and family.

Just like a woman needs to continue breathing to continue living, a woman must continue BREATHEing to continue the balance in her life. “[Balance] is something that you have to make choices on every moment of every single day,” Kane Miller says. “Balance is an ongoing process.” To jump into that process, follow Kane Miller’s advice:

B: Be true to your values.

Truth is a powerful force. Keep that force on your side and stay true to who you are and who you want to be. “When we’re in alignment with our values, our whole life becomes more clear as to what we need to do and what we need to say no to,” Kane Miller says. The first part of taking this step is to identify what your values are. Think about what your “basic, nonnegotiable values” are and write them down. “Be clear,” Kane Miller says. Once you know what your values are, put them into practice. “Make conscious choices that your behaviors reflect your values,” Kane Miller says.

 R: Remove the “shoulds.”

You should do this. You should do that. You should. You should. You should. “The ‘shoulds’ are based on other people’s expectations of us, and it’s not based on what we want to do and what we need to do,” Kane Miller says. “I always challenge my clients to ask: What is it that I really need to do and what is it that I really want to do? How are my behaviors reflecting my values? How does what I say ‘yes’ to embrace my values?”

An example of how Kane Miller recognized the importance of this BREATHE step was when she cooked dinner for a family who had just grown by two with a set of twins. Her son asked her, “When are you going to cook for us?” It was then that she realized that she had been spending time helping everyone else’s families, and she hadn’t provided her own family with a good, home-cooked meal. “We need to look at what is best for us and our families,” Kane Miller says. 

E: Expect the unexpected.

Through the past couple months of winter, many parents inevitably faced the dilemma brought on by a school closing, delay or early dismissal or even just a child sick with strep or the flu. While the unexpected is bound to happen (especially if you have an important meeting that day), it doesn’t need to throw a real kink in your plans.

“If we expect the unexpected we will have a contingency plan on how to respond to it,” Kane Miller says. For example, if she is running late from a meeting, she knows a “dear friend” she can count on to pick up her kids, she says.

To help relieve your anxiety and prevent the stress over the unexpected, create a resource book of people who can help during emergencies. Choose trusted people and “figure out the plan ahead of time so when the unexpected happens, it doesn’t throw you off,” Kane Miller says.

A: Ask for help from family, friends and professionals.

You can’t do it all. You might want to and think you can, but it is impossible. However, you can ask for help. “We need to know that asking for help is not a weakness, but it’s a support system,” Kane Miller says.

And the help should start with your family. They eat the food and use the dishes and watch the TV just like you, so you shouldn’t be stuck with all of the responsibility. “Delegate responsibilities to immediate family,” Kane Miller says. If your children are older, give them responsibilities. This will help take the load off your shoulders while you teach your children some of life’s lessons. Your husband can do his part, too.

When it’s your family with whom you want to spend time, however, call in the friends or professionals. Swap nights with friends once a month so that you and your man can have some time away from the kids. Spend the money on a romantic dinner instead of a babysitter, Kane Miller says. To schedule out that quality time to spend with your family (whether hubbie or kids), use professional services to do your dirty work for you. “If you don’t want to spend time cleaning, pay someone to do it,” Kane Miller says. You might be able to do it cheaper yourself, but that quality time with your kids is priceless.

T: Take time for yourself.

Yes, you need to spend time with your kids and significant other, but you also need to save time for number one. “The saying: ‘If mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy,’ is really true,” Kane Miller says. And for “mama” to be happy, you need to take care of your six basic needs: physical, emotional, social, intellectual, spiritual and creative. Whether it is through taking a walk, reading a book, or even cooking a meal, allow yourself to fulfill your own needs, or you will not be able to meet the needs of family, friends or co-workers.

And don’t think of it as being selfish. “Instead of being self-centered, we’re being centered in self,” Kane Miller says, which means that you base your life on who you are and what is important. To help gain a clearer idea of who you are and what is important, however, you can create a vision board. With the vision board you are “putting the intention” out there for what you want your life to look like, Kane Miller says. Flip through magazines, cut out images that appeal to you, and paste the images on a board. “Every one I’ve had, the majority of things on there have come true,” Kane Miller says.

H: Have appropriate expectations of yourself and others.

“Life is about learning and teachable moments. It’s not about being perfect,” Kane Miller says. At some point, you need to put your perfectionist mentality aside and give yourself (and others) a break. By loosening your expectations a little, you can relieve yourself of much stress and anxiety. When you feel that negativity as a result of an expectation, it is time to re-evaluate your expectations. Kane Miller recommends asking yourself: “Is this an appropriate expectation for me? Can I let go of it?”

E: Enjoy life

“Life is amazing. It’s meant to be enjoyed,” Kane Miller says. Hold family meetings to determine what each member wants for the family and decide toward which goals the family will work. For Kane Miller and her family, a summer trip to Florida is in store. “Make choices that give you life. Because life is energy, and you will feel so much better,” Kane Miller says.

So while your work life and family life keep you busy eight days a week, take time to BREATHE because without that breath of life, what’s your work worth anyway?

 Linda Palacios is a Freelance Writer and Editorial Intern at CincyChic.  Visit www.CincyChic.com for more information.